Motherhood
is a sacred journey and it is quite common for the general public to look at
mothers with this noble spark in their eyes.
As a woman, I feel it is truly a blessing and an accomplishment for one
to be given the opportunity to be a mother to a child. It is also considered as
near to divinity and the highest and holiest service assumed by mankind as
quoted by Howard W.Hunter. But who were we before this position resumes duty? When
we attend a party how are we introduced? I mean normally if you’re married you’d
probably be introduced as a wife to so and so. Unless you have your own story
and achievement to brag about along with future plans and goal, then all of a
sudden you are interesting, you are successful and proud to hang with. I mean,
it’s sad but that is how the modern culture perceives you to be acknowledged.
Let say you got pregnant while in high school and decided to be stay-at-home
mum while you boyfriend or husband worked, and you attended the same elaborate party
with people mingling, introducing themselves to guests and making small talks
when your turn comes, how would your introduction be?
“Oh, hey I’m Brenda. I’m a stay-at-home-mum and I have
2 kids at home, one’s 4years old and the other 7. And gosh this is like my
first time out to a fancy dinner after a long time.” All of a sudden the light
just seems to be 3 tonnes dimer to your new friend. He or she might be a
high-flying executive at a local investment company and being completely unaware
of how to respond to you. “Oh err..hi Brenda, I’m Cindy. I am an investment banker
at Pearsons and Brothers. Have you heard of them?” Brenda looks impressed. “oh
wow, yes I have. My husband says it’s a
pretty successful company with millions of investment deals that people sort
you after. You must be smart to work there.” Cindy couldn’t help but smile with
pride, but then slowly walks away with an excuse for a drink.
This is normally how the
general people see everyone else. Your college achievements, career and jobs
become your only sense of introduction that people relate to and somehow “motherhood”
which is the most daunting responsibility that is selfless and also glorious
isn’t recognized. My oh my, what a world and cruel civilization we live in. I
am a doctoral student at a prestigious university in Malaysia and I am researching
about the moral and ethics of medical research and hoping one day would be a
part of a governmental or non-governmental but definitely reputable committee that
would help ensure the ethical environment of both the medical research but also
in terms of the future of patients through proper regulations of public policy,
I am also a wife, to this amazingly funny stand-up comedian Kavin Jayaram a.k.a
Kavin Jay a.k.a Grumpy from the Really-really Late breakfast show with Papi and
Grumpy on Redfm but utmost I am a
MOTHER. Being a former lecturer with
INTI International University, I took a long and hard look at this new role I will
be taking in a few months’ time. I realized there’s a lot to prepare and
expect. Reading “What to Expect when You’re Expecting” alone isn’t enough. Here I am, love to teach, conduct research,
write brilliant papers and above all I wanted to be the mother my child needs.
I knew my husband would support me with any decision I was to make. I thought
of going back to work right after my maternity leave to share the finance of
the household but the thought of leaving my daughter with a babysitter or even
a day-care centre frightened me to my bones. After the news we heard with babies winding up
dead due to unprofessional care by this so-called-professionals it was definitely
a no-brainer to decide to turn to reliable family if not yourself for child
care. I must say, this is a delicate
matter but being old , the family aren’t that helpful as they need help most of
the times themselves, so go figure. So I
did the noblest thing any mother would do. I resigned from the job I loved. But before I did, I wondered, what would
happen if I one day decided to resume my career where I left off, truth is
there’s simply no such thing. I can’t go back to work, not even to my old job
with 3 years gap in my resume. What
would the future employer be looking for in a candidate, a smart, with good
references and of course with current and up-to-date experience. My absence
from workforce for 3 years would only make them wonder what I have been up to
and believe me when I say motherhood isn’t a job recognized. The fact that
stay-at-home mothers who work under constant stress and pressure with a fussy,
tantrum throwing toddler who refuse to eat or follow your rules, but somehow
you use all your knowledge from how-to books and other mothers advices for all
sort of problems and issues from ill and unwell child, food to enhance growth,
visits to the paediatric doctors to ensure a good developmental milestone achieved,
and not only you succeed with all these daily
struggles but, still maintain a clean house with healthy home cooked food, and unfortunately
those aren’t qualities to hire a candidate for a job. What a bummer. So knowing this, and trying to
make the best 3 years of my stay-at-home time with my baby, I thought why not
go back to school, I mean study. I have
always been a lecturer and a doctoral study would not be seen as an absence but
as a comeback to the academic world with a umph and a whole lot of knowledge and
credibility as an educator with quality.
And finally here I am still in my first year of three but managed to
raise this kid to my best knowledge of how and managed to witness all the
wonders of child caring like first tooth, first word, first crawling, first
step, and all the other beautiful moments like the tight hugs and dancing but
not only that I am also in the midst of writing my second article but this time
for a journal unlike the first one which was a chapter for a book. I can’t exactly say it’s easy but gosh with a
little help from my maid who’s amazingly patient I guess motherhood and
ambition can be attained and yes at the same time, at least for me but it just
needs some sacrifices, if not money, then time and sleep. But thanks to my hardworking husband and
helpful maid and family I am on this beautiful journey. I can’t deny the many
times I fell of my cool wagon, with no or low self-esteem being completely
stressed out thinking that I’ve made the biggest mistake but Kavin always makes
sure exactly what to say to lift my spirit and ultimately motivate me to keep
going. And the icing on the cake, our daughter always choses me between the two
of us, sorry papa no hard feelings but then too bad for me, no vacation for three
years. So is it worth it? HELL YEAH !!
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